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Nine reasons we become stronger after a loss

Loss in life is unavoidable. As long as we are alive, we will be disappointed by losing a dear friend, a relative, a pet, a home, a job, a love -or the illusion of love we were focusing on. The perception of every person's reality varies as much as the possibilities for the combination of genes from their ancestors. 


If you have been touched by loss in any way, you might be still grieving. There are losses we never come to terms with, so the acceptance part of grieving is never achieved. In the process of becoming changed by the "heat and pressure" of life, I have put together a list of reasons why we become stronger after a loss. This is not exhaustive nor exclusive, but I hope you might find a few that resonate with you. 

Without further ado, after a loss we become stronger because:
  1. Life goes on. Losing something or someone doesn't kill you. The surprise factor can cause physiological damage but while there is life there is hope and you can work on yourself to make this life better. You learn that the Sun will still rise the next morning regardless of what has happened to you.
  2. You become aware of what you can control and what you cannot. They say life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it and it is so true. You can only work on becoming the best version of yourself by improving your communication skills, adopting a healthy lifestyle and being more aware of your thoughts vs your reality.
  3. Fear diminishes with respect to the particular loss. Once you have experienced the death of a loved one or betrayal, you know you can survive it and the fear of the unknown disappears. You are certain that if there is a next time, you will be better prepared to face it from your previous experience. A life without so much fear is a better life in many ways. 
  4. You are forced to be more independent. Losses in love and in death mean that you learn that you cannot depend on anyone or anything for the way you feel and/or your financial security. Loss makes you find ways to be able to stand all alone and feel strong and happy.
  5. Self-love becomes the key to recovery. Losing what offered security, company or comfort in your life forces you to become resilient. You learn that focusing on yourself is what will help you move forward. You must learn to love yourself and that includes compassion and tolerance of any flaws you might have. 
  6. We realise how we are all broken in a particular way. We are all the result of our family history. There are secrets from our ancestors we don't know about and then there's our upbringing, filled with beliefs and social norms. The pain of a loss makes us question our own set of values and can lead to us discovering whether we are living our own life or someone else's. 
  7. We connect with other people who have lost what we have. It is called the Universe of Pain and if we are able to look around, we will realise that we are not the only ones suffering. Others have lost a child, a parent, a job, a spouse, a company, a home, a dream. 
  8. Empathy expands as we become more vulnerable not by choice but by fate. By being more aware of the pain in other humans, we are able to be more understanding of other people's behaviours. We might be disappointed by a loved one, but we learn that every person is doing the best they can. We learn that we are not aware of what happens behind closed doors. 
  9. Forgiveness takes on a whole new meaning. Holding grudges just adds to the burden of loss. Letting go of the past and accepting what happened is a liberating experience. We learn that we can put boundaries in place to protect ourselves from future danger and that forgiving doesn't mean we must put up with unhealthy situations. 
Did any of the above resonate with you? Do you have anything to add? Let me know in the comments. 

Cheers to growth and improvement, 

Nora
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